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| This week has been a really difficult week for me.
I did not see it coming, and now that it's come and gone, I still can't believe it all.
Things changed very quickly. I made decisions very quickly.
Sometimes I think it's good to learn from the past, but sometimes, I think the past colors our understanding of the present with fear and doubt and insecurity and confusion.
I don't really know, I don't really have all the answers....in fact, I don't really have very many at all. Despite all that, there have been some really good things about this week as well.
This week I had a conversation with my mom that I would never have ever thought I could have.
We talked so real and honest and she told me a few things that I never would have or could have known, that has given me such an incredible understanding of why I have some of the fears and doubts that I do, and why I am the way I am.
I don't just wanna be the way I am. I wanna be the way God really intended me to be.
I don't want to be afraid. I want to believe and trust and wait and hope and see God's faithfulness.
I know I will. I trust Him. He is beginning to break down some of my fears. And I think that's the first step.
Even though I feel like I messed things up in a way that is irreparable....I can only hope that he holds my future and he can restore all things and make them better than new.
I believe he can. I know he can. I know he will. | | |
| Our hearts are so central, so important.....to every thing we are and everything we do.
Jesus lives in our hearts.
Our hearts are where we love from, live from, feel from, cry, laugh, hurt, rejoice from.
Our hearts are the place where our soul finds its breath.
I live from my heart....even when it hurts, even when I wish I could turn it off, even when I don't want to....I can't help it, it's how I was made. It's how He made me.
Living from my heart has mad my life beautiful. There are so many people to love and so many people to be loved by. There is a richness in knowing Jesus and letting him fill all of your heart and worshiping him with freedom from the heart. There is a fulfillment in letting your heart feel and bleed and connect with the heart's of others. I love being me and living my life with all my heart.
Only sometimes...life doesn't go as planned....you give and love and live with all that you are and sometimes things fall apart; people die, loved ones move away, relationship change, pain comes in. And it tears your heart apart.
The most painful thing to my heart is saying goodbye to someone. Someone you love and care for and have shared your life with. There was a part of you that came alive with them....the part of you that only exists in them, the part of you that interacts with them and is unique to that relationship. When they are gone part of you goes with them. Part of you, you may never have known had you not known them, but also now, a part of you you may never know again.....until heaven.
Heaven.....that will be the place where are hearts are finally, forever, fully alive. Free, whole, healed, complete, known. There is something deep within my heart that longs for things greater than this world has to offer, for places of love and connectedness that we can only find mirrored reflections of on this earth. We were made to be one with each other. One bride, one church, one heart. My heart cannot be fully alive without your heart fully alive. Because our hearts were made to be one heart. The heart of the one loved by God. That's what Jesus prayed for, that we would be one.
That's my prayer: that somehow, even in broken and fractured ways, I can bring hearts together, I can bring love that unites hearts and lives as one to love Jesus and love each other. I will fail sometimes. I have failed. Greatly. But grace picks up all the pieces and puts them back together.
I don't know how to be everything I am supposed to be, or everything I am, but the heart that created my heart is continuously working in the recreation of my heart and life every moment of every day. He makes all things new. He makes our hearts new. He will show me how to live from my heart. He holds my heart and I am trusting in Him.
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| I bought my tickets to Florida for Pete's wedding in November. I am very excited.
When I talk about going to Florida it makes me feel like I am going home. It's the home of my heart.
I love Tampa. I love the Young's.
The end.
I'm quite sure no one really reads this anymore, but if you do, You may not know what or who I'm talking about, but that's ok, they are beautiful people. I hope everyone has a "Young Family" in their life.
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| The worst thing in the world to me is when someone is upset with me or by me.
When there is a rift in a relationshp, an offense, hurt feelings....It makes me feel HORRIBLE.
Every fiber of my being wants peace, unity, love, grace, forgiveness.
I would never ever do something to intentionally hurt anyone, although I know sometimes I unintentionally do.
I long for people to know and believe that my heart is good towards them and that I am completely committed to doing the best I can to make them feel loved and cared for.
But it seems like that can be the hardest thing for people to believe sometimes, no matter what you do.
I guess it's because, first and foremost, each one of us has to believe that God's heart is good towards us; that he isn't and won't ever hold out on us, or hold back good from our lives, or stop loving us, or ever do anything to hurt us. His love is perfect towards us and when we are embraced by that and we let that truth permeate our entire being....we are changed by that. There is a peace that is settled deep in our spirits that allows us to put our faith in Jesus and not in people. And when our trust is in Him we are able to let go of our expectations of other people and love fully. When our hearts/minds are fixed on Him we will find that we take offense and get upset with others a lot less often. We are able to look w/ eyes of grace and love at the people around us and make allowances for each others faults....truly finding that love covers a multitude.
I would do anything to bring peace and make others feel loved.
The hard lesson for me in life right now is that sometimes there are things beyond my realm....I am not God....I do not have his job....I cannot be what he can be for people....I can only be me, I can only love out of the love he has given me. I have to continue to walk down the pathways he has for my life, I have to trust him to care for the people that he has put in my life.
But I know my Jesus is big enough, and his love is strong enough. And I know that His love lives in me, He lives in me, and He will perfect all that concerns my heart (ps138:8).
He will care for the people that He loves and that I love. And he will knit our hearts together with love in his time.
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| We all need Grace.
We need grace from God.
We need grace from each other.
We need grace for each other.
We need grace for ourselves.
Love and Grace will set us free
Love and Grace will cover a multitude of sins/pain/hurt/frustrations/disapointments
Love and Grace will keep your heart at peace
Love and Grace will hold hearts together and keep people connected to each other and to God.
"Let no debt remain outstanding but the continual debt to love."
James 2:12 "So whenever you speak, or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law of love, the law that set you free."
I love the law of love. I live for love. I choose to love.
No matter if anyone else will, He will, and I will.
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